So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
