There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
