I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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