Sry I called you an 8
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
