Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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