i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
