We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
