I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
