woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
