can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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