She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
