I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
