He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize