What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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