you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
