I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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