Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I believe in your delicious
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
