More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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