Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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