we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
