remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
