It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
