i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
