i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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