Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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