So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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