in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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