I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
