My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize