she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
