That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize