He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
