i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
