how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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