i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize