you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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