Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
