Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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