So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we should paint friendship bongs
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