a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
