I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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