i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
