I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
