i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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