Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
