He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
