HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
