Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
