A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
