Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
