My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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