And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
