watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
