He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
