Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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