Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
