I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
