Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
