i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
