you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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