plz talk dirty to me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
