Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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