like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
