I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she woke up with a sticky ear
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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