I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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