I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
