Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
