I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize