I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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