What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
