i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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