those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
