Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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