sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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