My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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