someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
