i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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