Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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