life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
