Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
