I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
