There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
