i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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