So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
