who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
