Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
